When I was expecting my first child, back before we clicked over into a new millennium, I scoured my local library and bookshop shelves for how-to books on childbirth and parenting. How-to get the “birth you wanted”? (never going to happen) How-to manage the first few days at home? (try to get as much sleep as you can) How-to deal with the runny noses, tantrums, homework etc? (just go with the flow) I soon learned that there isn’t a right answer. Every parent is just trying to do the best they can.
Now, fast forward well into the new millennium and I have the opposite problem, elderly parents. I need a manual now more than ever. These two people who I thought I knew so well, evolve into aliens as their faculties fail them. They rage against age-related issues, against their limitations, against me trying my best to keep them safe. I can’t imagine there is a right answer for this either. It’s stressful and time consuming, and, what’s worse, in the back of my mind I have a voice saying that this will be me in a few years time!
It’s Life, Jim
It feels like every step on life’s journey is a challenge. Having been a School Business Leader for so long, I know what to do if I have concerns about a child’s safety. I know about the resources available for different educational needs. (I also know how difficult it is to access those resources.) I know that educating our young people isn’t, and can’t be, a one-size-fits-all-approach. I also know that education shouldn’t be tied up in political agendas – but it is.
I don’t know anything about caring for the elderly. As I try to navigate a balance between their needs, their safety and anticipating the future, I’m reminded of the similarities between this late stage of life and early school days. Like an early years child, they don’t want to be constantly told what to do, they want to explore boundaries, they miss the familiar, and they are not easily able to communicate their feelings.
There should be a manual where you can read the same sentence but insert your own relevant number, 5 or 85!
- Your ___ year old will not want to eat anything green and you will need to become practised in hiding vegetables in foods they do enjoy such as cake, spaghetti hoops and ice cream.
- Your ___ year old knows their own mind when it comes to clothing. Let them choose. When out shopping, the only consideration is – will it go with a cardigan and wellies?
- Arguing with siblings is important for your ___ year old’s wellbeing and promotes good relationships with others. Just be there to break it up should it become physical.
- Without sufficient exercise your ___ year old will bounce off the walls of the home. Kick them out into the garden every day, whatever the weather.
- As the main caregiver, your ___ year old wants to test the boundaries of your resolve. Always remember, say what you mean and mean what you say.
No easy answers
There are no easy answers to navigating life. There is no manual covering everything to help parents through the challenges of raising children, educating them, and catching them if they fall. Just like there is no manual to help us through the challenges of accepting old age, finding a safe and stimulating environment, and catching them if they fall. We can only trust and draw on the knowledge and experience of our wonderful school staff and care providers as we navigate the bookends of life.
I’m reminded that it takes a whole school to educate a child, every member of staff, regardless of whether they actually see the child, is vital to the success of the outcomes.
My experience over the last few months makes me grateful for my School Business Leader practicality, and my ‘let’s get this sorted’ approach. My parents have likened it to a whirlwind, whilst useful for a clear out, at their age it is not something they want to be caught in too often!
Thank you for reading. I now need to go back to my ‘how-to set up your own business’ books!
Emma
